Weekend Movie – Dancing Ninja

He’s Doing Funky Grooves with His Kung Fu Moves. The Hoff that is. Wow.

Somewhere in Asia…

An orphaned child is washed up at sea and raised by a family somewhere in Asia. Ikki (Lucas Grabeel) grows up to be a teenage boy who wants nothing more than to become a Ninja. His parents love and respect him but his peers give him a hard time. Even worse, Master Sabu does not invite Ikki into his Dojo.

Devastated he practices dancing on an arcade machine and keeps approaching Master Sabu for a year. He also learns of an ancient legend from somewhere in Asia about an orphaned child whose feet will fly. This blessed child will know his destiny and will need to overcome many enemies in order to find his true love and home. Hunted by nightmares, Ikki is convinced, he was the Dancing Ninja. Sabu is not and never question his training methods…

Master Sabu is very knowledgeable and even has an ancient Ninja Training Machine. Ansel LaDouche (David Hasselhoff) wants to conquer the world and is interested in exactly this machine but Sabu would never share ancient secrets for money. Trained by Sabu, LaDouche wasted his talent in the American entertainment industry. He is a bit washed up and hasn’t had much of a career since the 90s.

I have taught you a secret and you have turned it into a mockery. You are a disgrace.

I am loved by millions!

Mhmmh, maybe in your own mind LaDouche. In the real world you are despise-ed.

Determined to play a major role in the soon to be launched 24 Hour Fighting Channel, LaDouche attacks his Master. LaDouche is not in incredibly good shape and somewhat of a douche, so he shoots him in the back, takes off with the ancient papyrus rolls and Ikki finds Sabu on his death bed.

It’s a sign! It’s clear to me that you had to die for me to fulfill my destiny.

Ikki, did it ever occur to you that not everything is about you?

No, Sabu I don’t think so.

Find a woman, become a man. Only then you will know who you really are.

Ikki decides to travel to America to revenge Sabu’s death and says farewell to his parents. Their instructional video business ‘Happy Lovemaking’ will open doors for him in America… Master Sabu passed on to the other world, which looks a lot like a hot tub with bikini girls. Since he is a bit worried about Ikki, he sends his best student Kimi (Judy Jung-hwa Kang) to follow him.

In the meantime, Ansel built his own Ninjaziser and has been ‘promoted’ spokesperson for the 24 Hour Fighting Channel. His television interview with tough Heidi went like this…

Can I ask you a really tough question Ansel? 5 years ago, you’re last film bombed. You were shunned, you were outcast, you were box office poison. So you disappeared from the LA scene, no more movie premiers, no more charity events, no more weekly card games with the A List or B List for that matter. So what was it? Emotional problems? Insecurity?

Heidi, I’ve given so much to so many. I just needed time to recharge my batteries. To see what I had left.

Looks like you found quite a lot, haven’t you?

Yes, I have. Ha ha ha

I mean, Don’t you just wanna struck yourself a bit? Splash your peacock feathers a bit and say to the world, look at me, I’m a douche! I mean, I’m LaDouche! And I’m here to stay.

I just wanna wake up in the morning and be the best Ansel LaDouche I can be.

To top this, the Hoff turns around, looks directly at the camera and breaks into a “Hooked on that Feeling” montage. Marvelous.

At first, Kimi helps Ikki secretely but soon they fight side by side and every time they get closer to each other, Ikki gets closer to his inner Ninja… Ansel LaDouche has a flashback to his childhood. At nine years old, his mother (David Hasselhoff) took him to a fortune teller who predicted, he will find death by a Dancing Ninja. You know we’re headed for a showdown from here and for once I won’t give away the ending. (It might involve a helicopter explosion.)

Even if you are not wild about David Hasselhoff, you will very likely like him after watching Dancing Ninja. The cast is in great spirits and movie buffs will be surprised about the love of detail! It borrows from karate movies and comes complete with slow motion fight scenes and mullets. Who cares about the plot? Even though it looks a bit like Hanna Montana, Dancing Ninja is not a family movie. Ikki only grows as a ninja whenever he has an encounter with a lady, which is a bit awkward at times, and they even use language.

David Hasselhoff does what he does best, simply being The Hoff. He has the amazing ability to laugh about himself and is incredibly sympathetic. We all screw up at times but nobody will see that on morning TV. It seems redeeming to mock himself and simply move on with life. As David Hasselhoff grows older, his movies also carry more meaning. Fugitives Run (2003) questions values in Canadian society while Dancing Ninja (2010) presents a whole bunch of artificial, ignorant Americans, driven by wrong values. If you had the choice where to live here, you would go for somewhere in Asia.

Why we love it: this is the kind of movie, that David Hasselhoff should be making every year.

Recommended for: if you like good music, you may have trouble watching this film. Give this a go if you like Kung Fu movies, Glee and, of course, David Hasselhoff.

Directed by Mitchell Klebanoff  and Kelly Sandefur
Written by Mitchell Klebanoff 
Lucas Grabeel    as Ikki
David Hasselhoff  as Ansel LaDouche / Ansel’s Mother
Judy Jung-hwa Kang as Kimi
Patrick Gallagher as Sabu
Terryn Westbrook as Heidi Holdom

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David Hasselhoff Museum Berlin

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